When you are having a pity party, do you find it easier to blame other people for the crappy life you are living?
Of course, it is always easier to put blame on other people rather than yourself. I often find people blaming their horrible childhood or past relationships for their crappy life or for them being overly emotional. After watching a TED talk recently, I learned that there comes a time when you can or should no longer blame your childhood as the reason none of your relationships or life pans out the way you would like. There also comes a time when you should stop blaming others and focus on the real problem. Yourself.
As humans, we fall in the trap of blaming other people. It is much easier to do that. You may have recently got out of a horrible relationship or lost your job, etc. Then the first thing you do is blame someone else. You may blame your childhood for not knowing how to keep a good relationship. You may blame your current relationship on why you were performing bad at your job or lost it.
You need to take a few steps back and find what the root of your problem is and then work on it.
1. Admit You May be the Problem
I know. Everyone wants to think that they can cause no wrong or maybe sometimes people are too hard on themselves. If you did do wrong, it is fine. It is not the end of the world! You can use this as a learning experience. You must realize that with time, all wounds can be healed.
2. Make Sometime for Yourself
I think the best way to analyze any problem is by spending time alone.
If you are sad from a breakup, the answer is not running to a new relationship. If you do not like being alone, that means that you need to work on that as well. We cannot avoid ourselves or keep running away from our problems. You will always catch up with who you really are. So, the sooner you can work on yourself, the better.
3. Set & Think about the Problem
Sit down and think why you really lost your job or why your relationship didn’t work out. To move on, you need to think about and analyze the problem. If you are not good at doing this yourself, I recommend seeing a counselor.
You also need to analyze what you may have done wrong that could have caused the problem. You can make a list or talk about it with a close friend.
Reviewing the situation will make you stronger, eventually. When you review a problem, you can find out what went wrong and fix it.
4. Make an Action Plan
Learn how you will not make the same mistakes again.
Do not blame your personal life for the reason you lost your job. You should always keep your personal life and work separate. Maybe the reason you lost your current job is because you just did not like it. Make a list of the things or work you really like to do. Maybe you will go back to school after this analysis. It is never too late to change your career, if you absolutely hate it.