Because I Asked For A Mahr (Dowry) I was Harassed By a Man (Imam) and His Family
I am mostly talking from my experience, but often times I see converts in particular being treated horribly for asking for a mahr (dowry). For those of you who do not know, a mahr is a dowry that goes directly to the bride, not the family.
I understand some women don’t care about it, but when a woman does, you, as a man should not refuse her God given right, because God is watching. If you are reading this and taking offense, it is probably about or pertains to you.
If you, as a man, don’t want to pay it. Be respectful of that and say you cannot pay it and just move on. You don’t have to marry anyone if you don’t want to give a mahr. So, don’t make a woman suffer due to you being stingy.
A woman has a right to a mahr, and you as a “Muslim Man” should know that.
I, myself, have been treated badly for asking for a mahr. And when I was, I went running for the hills, because if a man says, “if you really loved him, you wouldn’t ask for a mahr.” That is a big red flag in the early talking stages of marriage and lets you know just how selfish a muslim man can be.
Ladies remember, you are not a gold digger for asking for a Mahr. It is your God given right as a muslim women.
So, now here I am. People trying to ruin my life and personal relationships. This is what happens when you don’t marry a guy when there are red flags. It’s even more sad when the man is a imam.
Ramadan Mubarak!
Just So You Know Where I Stand
I want to reassure people of my stances on things going on in the world and the muslim community. I don’t support any form of oppression. It doesn’t matter if it’s hijab. I don’t support when hijab is forced to be worn or not worn, by people of countries (France/Germany/Iran/Saudi Arabia) in general. I don’t support China or Mianmar for how they treat Muslims. I don’t support Saudi Arabia for a multitude of reasons (what they do to yeminis is a prime example. I don’t support Israel for how they treat Palestinians. I am strongly against hate against Black/African Americans and Asian Americans, especially how black Muslims are treated in the muslim Community. I care for many causes and I am passionate about many things. I try to share that through my posts or Instagram. I believe I am very vocal about what I do and do not support. However, I am open to dialogue and I’m always here to learn from all sides.
Let Us Break The Stigma of Divorce
Written By: Besan
In society talking about certain topics are taboo, especially on divorce. This stigma needs to break. So I decided to share a part of my story.
I was drowning in this world. I was confused, lost, scared, and questioning everything around me after my divorce ( almost 5 yrs ago). I didn’t know what to do or what will happen to me next. I walked around with a smile and no one knew I was hurting in the process.
I was angry about what happened to me. I was ready to confront those who hurt me and ask them:” Why?”
Then, I realized it wasn’t worth the battle. It wasn’t worth holding a grudge, being mad, or worth confronting. So, I decided to work on myself, stay silent, become stronger, and get closer to my creator. Because He knows what happened to me and knew exactly what I was feeling and going through in my marriage and knew exactly how I felt after it was over.
I decided to educate myself & seek knowledge about my faith. And with my genuine and kind heart, I learned how to forgive. I learned the meaning of growth.
I decided that I don’t need mankind to help me because Allah helped me get through my hardship alone. He taught me patience. Even though I was hurting. He gave me ease in the process. Allah changed my ways of thinking & day by day guided me to Him.
I am grateful for Allah’s guidance. I raised my hands & made lots of Duaa for his guidance, forgiveness & help daily. Allah tests you with hardships not to hurt you, but to cure you and heal you. Allah is Ar-Rahman Ar-Raheem.
Subhan Allah. Never thought I would be the person I am today. I am grateful for my hardships. I learned that the best lessons in life are the most painful ones & you will get hurt, but the lessons will give you valuable wisdom.
“My heart is at ease knowing that what was meant for me will never miss me and what misses me was never meant for me.” – Omar Ibn Khattab-
I am sharing my own experiences to help others know to never give up and stay strong, work on your relationship with Allah. He won’t forget you. He will guide you.
Raise your hands and ask Him. Work on yourself & healing. Trust me in time everything will eventually make sense to you.
Alhumduallah.
By: Besan
Instagram – @bybesan
Converts, Watch Out For the Bros Who Only Want One Thing From You
Converts, this is an article I am writing to you to warn you about the Muslim men that only want one thing from you. I am not talking about marrying you. I am talking about a sexual relationship. Unfortunately, us converts are often taken advantage of by Muslim men.
I have had too many converts coming to me and telling me that men are nice when they initially start talking to them. They come off as religious. They come off like they are interested in marriage. Then after talking to the woman for only a short time, they try to turn the conversation sexual. They try to talk dirty to you, they try to get you to send them pictures of you without hijab. I don’t know why guys do this. I don’t know if they think converts are nieve or what.
So, how can you spot when a guy is going to be like that from the beginning?
1. He says he is not ready for a serious relationship.
he may be telling the truth about not being ready for you, but he will always be ready for the right woman. If he says he is not ready for you then he probably will never be. Don’t waste your time on this brother, you deserve better.
2. He always tries to make sexual innuendos
He will try to make take some completely innocent and turn it into something sexual.
3. When you hear from him, you feel like he is using you for sex.
No one wants to feel that way and if you feel that way, trust your gut. Most likely you are right.
4. He gets angry if you don’t want to talk about sexual things.
If he gets upset at your refusal of sex or talking sexual, don’t argue. Just say bye and good riddance, bro.
5. He doesn’t talk about how nice your personality is and only focuses on your looks
Because he wants sex, that is why he only cares about how you look. You are more then you look, don’t let any guy tell you differently. If he only talks about your looks, ask him what he likes about your personality. Also, if they never ask how you are or anything about you, that’s a red flag too.
Izdihar, a fellow convert shared her experience. She said, “They act different when they find out you are a convert. Apparently i could pass as being from “somewhere” so men always act super respectful until the moment they find out i’m a convert. Then its inappropriate questions, shoulder touches, and just a general lack of respect for ones personal space. At first i felt very obligated as a new Muslim to be nice to everyone and to never miss a learning opportunity and found myself in many dangerous situations. Its so easy as a convert to trust other Muslims, i mean they were lucky enough to be born into it, should they not know more then me and be a better Muslim? well obviously that isn’t the case, but genuinely as a new convert you don’t know better. I could say so much on this topic. I hardly know a convert who hasn’t been sexually assaulted at some point in some way. May Allah be just.”
Getting Ready For Ramadan and Building Up Your Faith With With Modefa
Are you looking to getting into the Ramadan spirit by decorating your home? Is your Iman (faith) feeling low?
Surrounding yourself with things that remind you about Islam and Allah can really help your faith. This article is going to be about Modefa, a family-owned small business with big dreams, in Texas. Their goal is to bring quality, affordable Islamic products to Muslims in the United States and around the world. Modefa has beautiful prayer rugs, Islamic decorative items for your home (modern and traditional), hijabs, and many more things. Click here to go to their website!
Who is behind the Modefa company?
Ilyas and Tara Cetinkaya are the founders and co-owners of Modefa. Ilyas is a Turkish-American who is happy to be able to share products from his native country; Tara is an American Muslim revert who admires the culture and Islamic heritage of Turkey.
How did the company start and where are they now?
The idea for Modefa came after Tara converted to Islam. As she began dressing more modestly, and eventually wearing the hijab, she realized how difficult it was to find modest clothing in the United States—let alone modest clothing that was also stylish (or even decent!). Attempts to find quality clothing, hijabs and accessories online were fraught with disappointment — not just in the lack of variety, but also poor quality and lack of professionalism among online Islamic companies. Tara and Ilyas realized that there was a void in the market that needed to be filled. With their passion, experience, and connections to Turkey, they decided that Turkish products were the perfect thing to fill that void. With the end goal of eventually carrying a full line of hijabs and modest clothing, Tara came up with the name “Modefa” as a combination of the words “Modesty” and “Fashion,” hence the tagline “Where Modesty Meets Fashion” ™
Quitting her career in social work in 2011, Tara decided to focus her efforts on building Modefa, starting as a home-based business. From there Modefa has grown every year, increasing in size and variety of products offered. In December 2016 Modefa moved into its first official office/ warehouse, which was quickly outgrown. In June 2019, Modefa moved to a larger location in Richardson Texas, which now houses a warehouse, office space, and a large and elegant showroom open to the public.
As far as products, they have so many things, it’s hard to choose!… but here are some bestsellers in different categories:
Ramadan Gift Ideas
I will start off with some of their Ramadan products because it is right around the corner. Click here to purchase!
Decor: Kaba Replicas
Table Decor Sets
They sent me a beautiful egg decoration with the 99 names of Allah on it, which you can see in the picture. Both the Ayatul Kursi and Esma eggs are popular as well. Click here to purchase!
Prayer Rugs
Below is a slideshow of some of their bestselling prayers rugs. Click on the links to purchase them.
Eid Holiday and Ramadan Decor By Modern Wall
When I was Christian, the most memorable thing about the Christian holidays was decorating for them. It was always a beautiful Tradition to go and get a Christmas tree. We would go to the woods and pick the biggest tree we could find. (We have high sealings in my childhood home.) Then we would get home and decorate the tree, then the rest of my home.
The great thing with modern wall art is that they bring that tradition back alive to me. It is a tradition that I have been missing since I have started practicing Islam. There are a few places where you can now go to buy Eid or Ramadan inspired decorations but there is nothing like the unique pieces designed by Modern Wall Art.
Here are some pieces that you can buy from them to decorate your home and get festive for Ramadan and the Eid holidays. I will not share all of their items in this article, however. So, you can search all of their eid decor by clicking this link.
Below is a photograph of their crescent moon. You can pre-order anywhere from 3- 5 ft in size. The cost varies from $229.00 – $299.00. It is made of wood.
Below is a photo of their tabletop size crescent moon. The cost is $34.99 It is approximately 10″ w x 10″ h x 1/4″ thick and made out of wood.
Below is the Arabic Ramadan Mubarak Tabletop display. It is currently on sale for $39.99 It is 11 x 4 and made out of wood.
Poetry Book Fragments of the Heart Being Published on March 14th
My poetry book will be published on my birthday, March 14th!
Please stay tuned. I will be posting the link to pre-order it in the next coming days.
Review of Modern Wall Art Grand Opening in Bridgeview, IL
I walked into the event of the Bridgeview location of Modern Wall Art and I was welcomed by smiling faces, asking if I needed assistance. They were all very attentive. The art on the walls was beautiful and all individually designed and put together. The designs varied from stainless steel to wood.
The designs are made from ayat (sentences) and surahs (chapters) from the Quran and Arabic prayers and words. One of his works of art really stuck out to me at the event. It is a design of the last four surahs of the Quran. It took 6 months for him to make and that is hard work and dedication I admire.
How did Modern Wall Art come to be? I talked with Syed Rahman, who goes by Saif, the man behind the business. Saif said he was remodeling his home and he was looking to buy modern art that was Islamic, to decorate his home. He couldn’t find art like that anywhere. After months of looking, he decided to make some modern Islamic art of his own. The art Saif had designed for his home blew away the guests of his home. Since then, everything has been growing.
Modern Wall Art has been successfully designing 3D decor and making stainless steel art and furniture for over 10 years. Every item is 100% handmade and the designs are made by them as well. So, they are authentic and one of a kind.
After admiring the art on the walls and thinking of how I followed his work from when he had a small following, I was wondering how has he had such success from his business. Saif said he has no secret to success but to “chase the barakah (blessings), not the money.” I talked with him toward the end of the opening and was immediately in aw of how humble he is. He wants to work with other artists. He’s not in the business for the money. He says he’s in it for the “barakah-blessings.” He helps others from the money he makes and he uses his platform to help make other businesses and artists successful. The location I was at had art from several local Muslim artists. He also is selling items from the jewelry brand Nominal. I’m sure money is a nice incentive for the business but you can tell he’s in it for much more.
The beautiful thing about the event I attended is that so many businesses came together to make this event a success. Local businesses were donating food and gifts for goody bags. I also saw so many people came out to support his business. I hope to see more Muslims supporting other Muslim owned businesses.
Follow me on my website, Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook to stay updated on my writing and blog posts.
Scraps of Love – A Poem By Kaya Gravitter
Scraps of Love
I love you because of what is in your heart.
I love you for your sincerity for people and our religion.
I love you because of the way you dance and smile.
I love you for being you.
I love you because you laugh at my jokes.
I love you for eating the bad meals I have made.
I love you because you give me butterflies.
I love you for making me believe true love exists.