I am writing this article to shed light on a problem within our ummah that I hope we can fix. Many people do not realize they are doing it or realize that it is wrong. We should be more diverse in our mindset. We need to get out of the norm of only marrying within our culture or our race because Islam is the most diverse religion in the world.
I see so many amazing convert brothers and sisters that people refuse to marry. The problem of people refusing to marry or let their children marry converts breaks my heart. This is why I want to share this story with you.
I know of a convert woman and Pakistani man who wanted to get married. The man was from a high class, well educated family. The girl was from a working-class family in New York. They were in love but it was innocent halal love. They could have easily lived together and hid it from his parents. However, instead of living in sin, they wanted to get married and live together.
He first asked his parents when him and the convert were in college. His family told him no and to ask when he had graduated engineer school. The woman grew frustrated waiting but she loved him so much that she still waited for him. She hoped that he would be her heaven on Earth. However, we can plan and wait as much as we want but God is the best of planners. Maybe there is a reason they are not together now. However, God willing (Insha Allah) they will be able to live and be together in heaven. Both of them dream of this.
The man has refused any women that has tried to marry him, to this day. He also refused to marry anyone that his parents have brought before him.
So, the man waited until after he graduated engineer school. The family said no again and still refused the marriage. The brother did not want to go against his parents, so this left the woman heart broken. The woman waited several years for his parents to accept the marriage but never did. She is still frustrated with herself that she waited for a man for so long. She still cannot understand why love did not win. She did and still does not understand why he could not just go against his parents and choose her. However, these two are still in love to this day even though they only talk once a year to see how one another is doing. They do not say they love each other because saying it would hurt too much but their actions speak louder than words.
Furthermore, after the heartbreak, tears, and frustration, she no longer wanted to wait. She decided to marry someone else, after waiting for years for his parents to change their mind.
The man tried for years to persuade his family to accept the marriage but every time they refused. The parents never said if it was because she was a convert or because she was of a different race. It was confusing to me and the convert as to why the man’s family refused the marriage since this Pakistani family is well educated. While the Pakistani man is an engineer, the convert was highly educated as well and is now a successful medical doctor. To me, that appears to be a good match. Though, I think being in love is match enough, but I am a hopeless romantic.
Kaya is a blogger, activist, and writer.